in spite of me, God will do this

today i want you to understand the human side of a barista.

in other words, i'm going to talk about life outside of the coffee shop.

i love it when i turn on pandora and the exact song that i've been rolling around in my head, fitting my mood perfectly comes out the speakers. it's like God gave me the song...just for me.

today, in two different conversations i came to think quite a bit about my life, mostly my family life, 7 years ago. it's a weird experience talking about my middle school years-it feels so far ago. it feels like it wasn't me. every single person in my family has gone through an incredibly transformative time since then, and are totally different people today: beautiful people.

maybe because we didn't live with my parents till we were teenagers, we all just really started growing up in the past 7 years.

my parents too, i think.

my father 7 years ago was not who he is today.

he is meek, gentle, silly and expressive. it is an honor to know him as intimately as i do

my mother 7 years ago was not who she is today.

she is joyful, purposeful, goofy, and relaxed. she is an example of wisdom.

my oldest sister is nothing she was 7 years ago

she is apologetic, peaceful, mothering and beautiful. i respect her decisions.

my middle sister is nothing she was 7 years ago

she is spontaneous, independent and happy: she shines.

i am not was i was 7 years ago

i pursue my father's communion, i seek my mother's wisdom, i desire my sister's approval, i cherish my sister's opinion.

maybe this is who we always were meant to be, who we were created to be. it just took growing up to discover. it took moving away to learn to be together.

it took the loss of a brother, the gaining of two new siblings.

it took the distance between colorado, new york, north carolina.

mountains city farm

in spite of me God has done this.

"but if i say 'i will not mention Him,

or speak any more in His name'

His word is in my heart like a fire,

a fire shut up in my bones.

i am weary of holding it in.

indeed,

i cannot"

my dilemma

it's only day 3 and i already have a dilemma.

you see, my objective was to bring you stories-unbiased insight into the life behind the counter.

but i discovered i can't do that.

every day i see issues i want to address-issues i have strong opinions about.

i want you to feel safe-i want you to trust me.

but at the same time, i want this to be a wild ride.

now there is nothing in me that desires to speak badly about any one of my customers.

come to think of it, i've discovered another dilemma.

i'm the last person on earch who actually desires to hurt someone.

but i'm also the past person who wants to sugar-coat things, for the sake of "correctness".

i love ruthless truth. i just have a hard time getting along with her myself when she's being shown me.

for all my desires of truth, i'm the most hyper-sensative person i know. i contradict myself.

we sure were created interestingly weren't we? :)

so how do i tell you about the mother who is a slave to her own children's desires, without wounding her?

while they (9 and 5) each get to gargantuan treats and smoothies, she nearly forgets to order for herself.

i can tell she's tired of them expecting such treatment, yet too tired to fight them.

i hope i can treat her well, well enough that she feels special.

i hope she is reminded that she is a beautiful woman, putting others first, forgetting herself.

i hope i helped her see this.

O that her children would learn it well, would value it.

but did i (value it) at 9?

Maybe life is just that: doing things and then later having the opportunity to applogize.

Maybe that's more meaningful than doing it right the first time.

p.s. thank you Customer. Because today you trusted me. and that made my day

gramma's cup o' joe

today, i realized there is a new culture developing...thank you starbucks.
now i am definitely not one to loath starbucks, considering i've worked at two.
but i have to admit that their influence is going places i never thought possible: turning sweet old ladies into picky coffee drinkers.

today was a pretty busy day for a monday...i didn't have much time to do anything, always one step behind another task i had to do.
i saw quite a few customers, young, old, middle aged.
nothing really stood out to me as a good story today-until:

two older ladies came in. i knew it was going to be a hassle from the start. while i'm sure these ladies themselves are genuinely kind people, as customers, lets just say they aren't the favorite kind of customer of any barista. (unless maybe if you work at starbucks...but even then we probably are just faking it when we love how particular you are and how fast, and efficiently you can announce your order).

everything was complicated. we didn't have this like at starbucks. they drink looked funny. where do we fix it up? how long can we possibly stand at this counter, and hold up the line. funny face, funny face. chocolate croissant...looks funny. it's hard to mix the dry sugar in the hot coffee-it's not hot it's iced coffee. new drink please, out with the old, in with the new. finally they got sitting down.

now it wasn't so much the order that was frustrating: a small coffee with some (what turned into at the second attempt) steamed soy, and an iced coffee. this should have taken moments for joyce and i to bang those out.

the problem is the attitude in which it was given, and this is what i'm getting down to. this world of starbucks, which i know like the back of my hand, has created a pseudo-coffee-world when everything is handed you on a silver platter, 30 seconds after you order it, and not a whole lot of human interaction in between. their desire is to get the customer what they want, as soon as they want it!

personally, i'm not in favor of giving people what they want when they want it, especially when it is expected, even demanded of me.

like i've said, it's not these particular women i have a problem with. yet it befuddles me that these woman that i suppose a good 10 years ago didn't mind that they were drinking folgers with some milk and coffeemate are the most high maintenance customers.

one of my favorite customers frequently comes in and says "surprise me." i love customers like this. she trusts my coffee knowlege and my understanding of her likes and dislikes. i pay attention to these things. now i believe that my dynamic duo today could have, if open to it, tried a drink i made for them and enjoyed it. but they were so set on getting exactly what they have, to the T, just like every other time.

i'm in awe of this new culture. next time you go into your coffee shop, remember that your barista is a human being, with genuine feelings and a presumably expansive knowledge of coffee.
trust them to treat you well. treat them lovingly and they will treat you lovingly. come in on a day where everything was crappy in the morning and your kids kept you up all night, and let it all out on me and i will encourage you.
i am your confident, your compadre.
now, come in a take all that rage out on me, and i will try my hardest to not take it personally.
but i probably will.
i promise you i will try my hardest to genuinely care about how you are feeling, how you like your eclair and how your job interview went.
i just ask you to do the same.
hopefully, when i smile, it will help you smile.
i'm going to at least keep on trying.

and here i come

i think we forget sometimes that people are watching us.

we forget that someone actually sees what we do...that we are indeed responsible for the way we act, in public and when we believe no one is looking.

i've discovered, as a barista, spending all my time around people, (early in the morning) that we don't realize that every interaction we have is a part of someone else's day.

the conversation you have with the man at the grocery store, the gesture you gave to the woman in traffic, the letter you wrote to the insurance company, and even the way you greet your morning coffee-supplier: these all are a part of making up someone else's day.

and i'm here to tell you about it.

i have this vantage point, where i get to sit back (when i'm not running around like a maniac making breakfast sandwhiches) and people-watch.

now i'm not here to be malicious; simply to inform and hopefully educate...and hopefully encourage.

i desire to see people living life realizing the affect that they have on others around them, and choose to make others greater, and themselves less.

so here we go.

my name is sarah hankins.

and i am your barista.

and these are my confessions.