i'm starting some people

can you believe it?
i've taken my own shot at shooting people: let's see what happens!
mother's day: kid photo shoot!
may 30: sister's wedding! (to come after i get my camera back :) )
august 6th: craig and tricia's wedding! woohoo!

that click of a shutter

i just love photography so much
life is a beautiful thing to behold
to see life...real life splayed out like tiny dots of color mess on a page.....
i have to sigh.
i get tingles in my knees and tingles in my toes.
stay said it right "there's just too much beauty to quit"

it kind of hurts inside when someone calls themself a photographer and i look at what they've got and i can tell they don't know what their doing.
i feel cheap and mean for saying something like that.
i guess what makes a difference is when the passion is there.
if the passion is there, there can be a willingness to grow.
i've grown.
my! how i've grown.
because i discovered a passion. and after timeless words from sam auger of "it doesn't matter if you like the angle, it's just not sharp"
it finally hit me, that if i love anything in life enough to do it, i should do it right.

so i ask you...if you love photography enough, learn it well. let it teach you.
let it surprise you.
let photos happen to you.
discover the world, and indeed be discovered!
let nature discover you.
like a good refrain of a moving song on a summer's eve in the mist and the fog

the dance of mirrors

it's funny how you set out to do something, and it turns itself around, takes on a mind of it's own and it become what you really needed it to be, yet nothing what you wanted it to be.

since i started this blog, it seems as though i've had absolutely nothing to tell you about my coffee shop.

but i do have so much to say about myself. now is that selfish?
e.b. white says it like this "The essayist is a self-liberated man, sustained by the childish belief that everything he thinks abot, everything that happens to him, is of general interest. He is a fellow who thoroughly enjoys his work, just as people who take bird walks enjoy their. Each new excursion of the essayist, each new attempt, differs from the last and takes him into new country. This delights him. Only a person who is congenitally self-centered has the effrontery and the stamina to write essays."

maybe my life is the most interesting thing you could spend your mid-summer afternoons reading about.
maybe i'd like to believe so.
maybe i can convince you so.
maybe if no one ever believes it, i will keep believing it and keep spilling my guts over your computer screen, and e.b. white and i will listen to bon iver together and rejoice in the beauty and stillness of writing about ones-self.


have you noticed that man is keenly selfish?
we've learned a dance called "selfishness" and we've learned it well.
we have no dancing partner,
it's a solo dance.
we dance about a room, spotted with beautiful white lights and beautifully decorated females and beautifully smelling males, but we never smell the male's aftershave and we never touch the female's pearls because we are focused on our own: smell, yet a distasteful one; apperance, yet a mere bramble in the bush.
we don't know how to be beautiful.

and we don't know how to see each other's beauty.

we just keep looking down at the floor, a mirrored reflection looking up, like one in a poorly lit room, pointing out all the flaws.

O! if only we'd look up and see the loves floating about the room around us!
O! then, only then, can we begin to understand the beautiful floating about in our scrubbish clothes.

O!and how it takes me aback! how can we possibly move our wilted, exasperated eyes from our mirrors when this is all that encompasses us?

O! it has a Name, The Name, and it's a Beautiful Name at that.
The Name has a much bigger mirror, which completely swallows our puny mirrors, and coats them with a fresh shaving of Yeast and Grape, which reflects to us only The Name, and our face grows dim.

"So then, turn your eyes upon Him, look full in­to His face and you will find that the things of earth will ac­quire a strange new dim­ness."

the sky

today was an exquisite day. did you look outside at all?
i woke up in a sweat-it was so humid outside.
around 9 am the humidity in the air got so dense, that it turned into water droplets,
and it rained all day.
then outcame one of those beautiful north carolina sunsets, after the storm.
pouring over the trees.
spinning above your face.
the kind that you don't believe you are actually watching.
until it's gone, and you wonder, was it ever really there?

when it was 7 oclock grey?
10 oclock gloom?
2 oclock drab?
6 oclock lull?
8:37 VIBRANCE
9 olock dense, dull, dismal.

it's like the entire day was setting itself up. the trees woke up this morning, knowing that at 8:37 they would get to frame the luster of light.
the birds had been holding back their songs all day, aware of their one task today, this week.
the clouds got heavier and heavier, recognizing the importance of their role at 8:37.

because it's at 8:37 that the perfectly full clouds would stain the sky
INDIGO
FUCHSIA
GOLDENROD

at 8:37 the birds would at burst out with an exasperated breath singing
"i've been holding it in all day and i can hold it no longer! i love to sing!"

at 8:37 the trees held the birds in their song, and framed the clouds in their sky

and He said it was very good.




i have 3 things to say:
-i am pleased that at least a couple of the people who are most decidated and commited to joyce and her coffeeshop, are Christ-followers, even if she doesn't know it. i know it, and i appreciate it.
-now as much as i desire for all people to treat each other decently, i kind of like the fact that i can brighten someone's day with Love. if it were commun, i don't think it would mean as much.
(this doesn't let you off the hook- your barista still wants to know that you care about her!)
-i wonder what would happen if gordon ramsay visited my coffee shop: what would that look like if he went head to head with zev?
hahahahahaha


thank you world for letting me watch you as i serve you coffee. don't forget that i am noting what you do. and i do it because i love you

in spite of me, God will do this

today i want you to understand the human side of a barista.

in other words, i'm going to talk about life outside of the coffee shop.

i love it when i turn on pandora and the exact song that i've been rolling around in my head, fitting my mood perfectly comes out the speakers. it's like God gave me the song...just for me.

today, in two different conversations i came to think quite a bit about my life, mostly my family life, 7 years ago. it's a weird experience talking about my middle school years-it feels so far ago. it feels like it wasn't me. every single person in my family has gone through an incredibly transformative time since then, and are totally different people today: beautiful people.

maybe because we didn't live with my parents till we were teenagers, we all just really started growing up in the past 7 years.

my parents too, i think.

my father 7 years ago was not who he is today.

he is meek, gentle, silly and expressive. it is an honor to know him as intimately as i do

my mother 7 years ago was not who she is today.

she is joyful, purposeful, goofy, and relaxed. she is an example of wisdom.

my oldest sister is nothing she was 7 years ago

she is apologetic, peaceful, mothering and beautiful. i respect her decisions.

my middle sister is nothing she was 7 years ago

she is spontaneous, independent and happy: she shines.

i am not was i was 7 years ago

i pursue my father's communion, i seek my mother's wisdom, i desire my sister's approval, i cherish my sister's opinion.

maybe this is who we always were meant to be, who we were created to be. it just took growing up to discover. it took moving away to learn to be together.

it took the loss of a brother, the gaining of two new siblings.

it took the distance between colorado, new york, north carolina.

mountains city farm

in spite of me God has done this.

"but if i say 'i will not mention Him,

or speak any more in His name'

His word is in my heart like a fire,

a fire shut up in my bones.

i am weary of holding it in.

indeed,

i cannot"

my dilemma

it's only day 3 and i already have a dilemma.

you see, my objective was to bring you stories-unbiased insight into the life behind the counter.

but i discovered i can't do that.

every day i see issues i want to address-issues i have strong opinions about.

i want you to feel safe-i want you to trust me.

but at the same time, i want this to be a wild ride.

now there is nothing in me that desires to speak badly about any one of my customers.

come to think of it, i've discovered another dilemma.

i'm the last person on earch who actually desires to hurt someone.

but i'm also the past person who wants to sugar-coat things, for the sake of "correctness".

i love ruthless truth. i just have a hard time getting along with her myself when she's being shown me.

for all my desires of truth, i'm the most hyper-sensative person i know. i contradict myself.

we sure were created interestingly weren't we? :)

so how do i tell you about the mother who is a slave to her own children's desires, without wounding her?

while they (9 and 5) each get to gargantuan treats and smoothies, she nearly forgets to order for herself.

i can tell she's tired of them expecting such treatment, yet too tired to fight them.

i hope i can treat her well, well enough that she feels special.

i hope she is reminded that she is a beautiful woman, putting others first, forgetting herself.

i hope i helped her see this.

O that her children would learn it well, would value it.

but did i (value it) at 9?

Maybe life is just that: doing things and then later having the opportunity to applogize.

Maybe that's more meaningful than doing it right the first time.

p.s. thank you Customer. Because today you trusted me. and that made my day

gramma's cup o' joe

today, i realized there is a new culture developing...thank you starbucks.
now i am definitely not one to loath starbucks, considering i've worked at two.
but i have to admit that their influence is going places i never thought possible: turning sweet old ladies into picky coffee drinkers.

today was a pretty busy day for a monday...i didn't have much time to do anything, always one step behind another task i had to do.
i saw quite a few customers, young, old, middle aged.
nothing really stood out to me as a good story today-until:

two older ladies came in. i knew it was going to be a hassle from the start. while i'm sure these ladies themselves are genuinely kind people, as customers, lets just say they aren't the favorite kind of customer of any barista. (unless maybe if you work at starbucks...but even then we probably are just faking it when we love how particular you are and how fast, and efficiently you can announce your order).

everything was complicated. we didn't have this like at starbucks. they drink looked funny. where do we fix it up? how long can we possibly stand at this counter, and hold up the line. funny face, funny face. chocolate croissant...looks funny. it's hard to mix the dry sugar in the hot coffee-it's not hot it's iced coffee. new drink please, out with the old, in with the new. finally they got sitting down.

now it wasn't so much the order that was frustrating: a small coffee with some (what turned into at the second attempt) steamed soy, and an iced coffee. this should have taken moments for joyce and i to bang those out.

the problem is the attitude in which it was given, and this is what i'm getting down to. this world of starbucks, which i know like the back of my hand, has created a pseudo-coffee-world when everything is handed you on a silver platter, 30 seconds after you order it, and not a whole lot of human interaction in between. their desire is to get the customer what they want, as soon as they want it!

personally, i'm not in favor of giving people what they want when they want it, especially when it is expected, even demanded of me.

like i've said, it's not these particular women i have a problem with. yet it befuddles me that these woman that i suppose a good 10 years ago didn't mind that they were drinking folgers with some milk and coffeemate are the most high maintenance customers.

one of my favorite customers frequently comes in and says "surprise me." i love customers like this. she trusts my coffee knowlege and my understanding of her likes and dislikes. i pay attention to these things. now i believe that my dynamic duo today could have, if open to it, tried a drink i made for them and enjoyed it. but they were so set on getting exactly what they have, to the T, just like every other time.

i'm in awe of this new culture. next time you go into your coffee shop, remember that your barista is a human being, with genuine feelings and a presumably expansive knowledge of coffee.
trust them to treat you well. treat them lovingly and they will treat you lovingly. come in on a day where everything was crappy in the morning and your kids kept you up all night, and let it all out on me and i will encourage you.
i am your confident, your compadre.
now, come in a take all that rage out on me, and i will try my hardest to not take it personally.
but i probably will.
i promise you i will try my hardest to genuinely care about how you are feeling, how you like your eclair and how your job interview went.
i just ask you to do the same.
hopefully, when i smile, it will help you smile.
i'm going to at least keep on trying.